The 'C' Word

College. The mere thought of it sends a cold chill of nervousness through me. I am planning on going back in January to earn my Bachelors, something that I have always wanted.

Today while taking a shower, I was thinking about my preparation for returning. My fears. My doubts. The thought of test taking again puts a knot in my stomach a sailor would envy. I haven't been to school in almost 20 years and the thought of it scares me like a child starting kindergarten.

I then thought back about when I took my twins to their first day of kindergarten. I knew a little boy named Randy. He had bragged and bragged about starting kindergarten and told everyone that he could about his attending. He would taunt his younger siblings and remind them daily that they did not get to go. He was planning on taking the school by storm.

Finally, the first day of school rolled around and we all begin to line up outside the classroom door with our well dressed little scholars. Each wore an expression of nervousness, unsure of what the afternoon would hold for them.
Suddenly we could all hear the cries of a child and from across the lawn could see a small boy being lead unwillingly by the hand in our direction. As they grew closer, I could see that it was Randy being pulled along by his mom. "No Mommy! I don't want to go! No!" His wails were now that of a fire engine and getting louder as they continued their combative approach. The rest of our silent little troopers all started getting even more nervous and some even started to cry.

The bell rang and we all filed into the classroom. The teacher spoke reassuringly to the children and they all began to calm. One by one, each of them started to explore the colorful classroom, including a now docile Randy, and the parents began to sneak away. All was well.

Now at 38, I can completely relate to our little friend Randy. I am scared to death. I feel as if I need someone to drag me, kicking and screaming to the classroom. I know that once I'm there, I will feel much better and my self confidence will begin to return. The biggest step is just getting there.

Any Volunteers?